Don’t get me wrong, I actually have a psychiatrist and a therapist but I am unable to make appointments with them because of transportation issues. So now you know the theme of this blog post. If I don’t talk to you I will crumble into pieces.
You must adhere to the patient and doctor privileges. Which means you are not permitted to disclose or discuss anything that is talked about here today. By reading this paragraph you have electronically signed that you agreed to it.
As you know I have what is described as a case of aggressive ms. I have just started trying to find a medication that will help me live a somewhat normal like life. So far it hasn’t been working for me. But this is only the second medication and I just got diagnosed a year ago.
Yet I must say, I am tired of it all. As each day passes I am becoming a bit more of a burden. My husband got a new job that was supposed to work out me and my doctor appointments. He was getting really stressed out with his other job anyways so..
Well that scenerio is not working out for me at all. He has to be in bed by 5pm so he can get up at midnight. I have to go to bed when he leaves so I am sleeping while he’s at work. This way he won’t be worried. I can’t make appointments because he is so tired and stressed when he gets home.
I fell the other day and he told me that he can no longer be picking me up because he can’t risk hurting his back. He has to be able to get to work. He also told me that I was chunky and needed to lose some weight. Being overweight was not healthy or helping me. I needed to walk more. Needless to say, this hurt more than anything ms was throwing at me.
He informed me that I need to help him with the cleaning because he cannot do all of it. But don’t you worry, he got the fuckin race car done for the beginning of the season. Am I resentful? Kind of. I don’t want to be but he’s kind of pushing me towards that.
I NEED to make doctors appointments!! I guess I will use a taxi service. I have to go see them.
I need to take a shower but I can’t do it without someone here to babysit me. It is not an easy thing to do. It is an extremely exhausting thing for me. I usually have to lay down afterwards.
I am getting tired of this thing you call life. I am not a person anymore, I am just a lump. And today solidified my opinion on this matter. I actually called the non – emergency number to come and assist me in getting up off the floor. I had attempted to do a myself for about three hours but I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I wasn’t going to let Rick know about it either. Maybe later but not today because he is riding his racing high and I will not be responsible for wrecking that. He needed this because he deserved it. It is his getaway from me and work. If I tell him he will stomp off and say he is going to sell the race car.
I had to call them because he says that he can no longer pick me up. He can’t risk hurting his back because of his job. So what else was I supposed to do?
So many people are eager to tell me what to do to help me with this. They have so many ideas that will help me walk and suddenly become “fixed”. Ideas like diets, gadgets, exercises, breathing and medicine. But a lot of those cost money and time. Who is going to be there for me to assist with these things?
It’s so easy to fix it from looking in from the outside. Try walking a day in my body.
I am just so frickin tired.