How to raise girls. Parenting tips from a teenage, single mom from waybackwhen.

Yea I have told you about my girls before but now I am going to go into it a little deeper. I am going to dig into my comedy bag and stay away from the depressing stuff for a bit. It is not going to be pretty but it will have it’s moments of funny. It may even be a moment when you see your own life and I may even be able to prevent a pregnancy here or there!!!

I always wanted girls. I never wanted boys. What the hell was I think?!?! Girls are high maintenance and they are monsters. They are the true Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They are not sugar and spice and everything nice. They are pure evil. They are messy and little piggies. They are imbalanced and bipolored multi personality shit heads.

Sure they start off cute and sweet but that shit doesn’t last long at all. You get maybe a couple of years of that but trust me those maniacal little minds are in motion the whole time. (since birth!!!) They are always thinking, always up to something. You can never trust them, never turn your back on them. Especially if you have two or more of them. They are evil!!!

My three year old chubby cheeked precious little girl hit her five year sister in the head with a empty 2 liter pop bottle “just because” on the day of her kindergarten school pictures. She had a nice shiner!! Which meant I was called in as well as CPS. I had to bring in “Bruiser” with me because I didn’t have a babysitter. When they asked me how my oldest daughter got her blackeye, my youngest proudly proclaimed that “I did it!!!”… Case closed but it would not be the last time I was visited by CPS because of those two battling heathens!!!

The oldest one told her sister that she could make it snow inside the house. But she would have to clean it up when it did. She said a bu if words that was jumbled and told her sister to close her eyes and sing her favorite song. But she couldn’t peek because then it would not happen. (they had bunk beds at the time). Her sister was on the bottom singing and once she was done she could open her eyes. She did and she was so happy!!!! She came running out into the living room screaming that her sister made it snow!!! I smelled the baby powder and knew… I seen the cloud of dust…. Her sister came out smiling with two empty bottles…

School pictures one year : one cut the other ones hair while she slept. There was no fixing it… Even taking her to the salon was not an option.

School pictures another year : one did the other ones makeup with permanent magic markers. It didn’t come off for days. Make up didn’t cover it because it was on thick. Was the revenge act for the hair cut.

Oh yeah and when they started their monthly cycle…. Lord have mercy!!!!! RUN!!!! In fact, I will give their significant others hints and warnings on how to handle and approach them when it is their “time of the month”. I feel that it is only fair that those poor men have a head start or at least a safety net when it comes to dealing with the scariest time of the month. Those poor men don’t have a chance in hell.

I let them know what to look for and what to ALWAYS have on hand and NEVER EVER RUN OUT OF!!!! Each daughter has different moods and requires different kinds of treats, as well as different ways of handling. I have lived it for years and survived so who better to give them the inside scoop??

When growing up my youngest was a neat little girl who cleaned up her side of the room and did her chores. I never had any problems with her. Well her first words were “bitch bitch bitch”. She was not afraid to say what was on her mind. She had no filter at all!!! (that’s how I knew she was my daughter). Now she is a mess. She has two daughters who rule over her. She is the complete opposite of what she was then.

My oldest was a slob and she would wait until the last minute to do her chores. She would eat cereal out of a huge glass mixing bowl with a wooden spoon before she would do dishes. She was my rebel and I was constantly on my toes and getting calls. Now today she is a neat freak who is raising two fantastic kids. She is the complete opposite of what she was back then.

Back to the monthly thing.

I love my girls, don’t get me wrong. But this is where I would have traded them for boys. I would have given anything to have had boys!!! What the hell was I think wanting only girls?? Why didn’t I think this through? You got PMS, hormones, zits, makeup dilemmas, bad hair days, bloating, unable to locate anything to eat, indecisiveness on clothes, long baths, door slamming, huffing, unexplained silence, crying, hours on the phone, misunderstanding on my part, hatred towards you, more PMS, and more door slamming.

And let’s not even get started on shopping for homecoming and prom dresses!!!! That’s enough to put a mother into an insane asylum for sure!!! You can totally understand why some animals eat their young… It is at that moment when you truly pass on the “MOTHER’S CURSE”!!! You sit there and look at them and smile while you are silently reciting the incantation to yourself. You are slowly saying each word so that there is no confusion as to what you are doing. You just keep smiling. You close your eyes and say a calm AMEN…. and you wait…. LOL…

They ask you why you are smiling and all you can say is ” the fat lady has finally sung”…….. They don’t know what you are talking about but you do and that is all that matters…..

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I have MS but I am not sure if that is my super power.

Just when I thought I had been experiencing all that MS could dish out, it goes and deals me a different thing that upheavals my life. I did not another symptom especially a major one but that is what I received. I suppose they all are major in retrospect but this one truly did knock me on my ass.

I cannot tolerate the heat or humidity, which is a bitch especially living in Southern Florida. But I can no longer tolerate the rainy weather either and I absolutely love storms. The stormy weather now makes it to where I cannot tolerate being touched.!! My body has become so damned sensitive that I can not even handle my clothes touching me.

My hubby went to give me a hug and I just wanted to scream and pass out because of the extreme pain that I was in. I didn’t know how to tell him at the time but I did eventually. My feet were tingling and so were my hands. I just felt like I needed to run. I kept having this need to shake my hands.

I was miserable beyond belief. This was new to me. I so loved thunderstorms and now I fear them,worse than my 80lb lap dog does. So living in Florida has become a very hard for me but living in Michigan would be hard too. But you must understand that it is just not the heat and storms that is are issues for me.

I am not able to walk on the beaches. Granted I have my leg braces but they only help me for a little while. I can’t use my walker on the sand. I don’t have enough stamina to last long enough for a decent walk. I don’t have the muscle strength to do much. I have toe and foot drop so bad in both feet. The braces are helping but who wants to wear tennis shoes and braces to the beach?

As I have already mentioned, I went through my IV infusions a couple of weeks ago and I was told that since I have been going through the symptoms for so long that it will take a while for the medication to take effect. Ok, I get that. I also started my oral medication. With both of these two things going on, I have been extremely exhausted. I have had no energy at all. All I have wanted to do is sleep.

Oh and let’s n forget the fact that I am frickin starving all the time!! I have just lost all that weight and now I just want to eat. I just cannot get enough to eat. So I have to always make sure that I have a bowl of popcorn made and on hand.

I am on medication for anxiety and depression plus I see a therapist and psychiatrist but I still go through these stages of blahness. I cannot explain them any better than that. I just begin to weep for no reason. It doesn’t last long and I am ok afterwards. It is usually after I have a really bad day or two. Maybe it’s because I am just so exhausted from the fight.?

Sometimes it takes all I have to dig deep within my soul just to find enough energy and strength just to get through the day. And that is one day!!! Each day is a struggle and I fight to exist. Each day is a challenge for me. Getting dressed is a chore. Getting out of bed is a challenge. Both things exhaust me and can actually make me feel like going back to sleep.

I so wanted to go with my hubby to the racetrack and watch him race but I am not up for it. The heat is atrocious and I am not able to stand up for long even with the aid of the walker. I am having issues with the ms hug as well. He cannot be babysitting me today because he is racing. All I wanted was to be able to get out of the fuckin house!!! For something more than a damn doctor appointment!!!

Oh and I am still waiting to hear back from Social Security Disability Insurance to see if I am approved. I have been fighting for five years now. Saying prayers every day and night.

I am moving about as fast as a herd of turtles.

Yesterday I took my mom in law to her Keytruda infusion session. This was the first one in a few weeks. I have not been able to take her because of my own health issues. I geared up in my braces and made sure that I had my hot pink walker along with me. My dear husband went a long with me because he had some errands to run and I am glad that he did.

I know that she loves me taking her to these visits and I enjoy being there for her but I am not sure if I will be able to keep it up. It takes all of my energy to make it through the day. I will continue to do it for as long as I can. She needs to know that I am here. I know that you need to have someone sitting there with you while you are getting your infusions.

You need the support and just knowing that you have someone sitting there with you so that you are not alone. Because for some reason you feel so alone once you sit down in that chair. The minute you are attached to the iv the feelings change. You can be in a room full of people who are receiving the same thing as you but you are feeling so alone.

All I do is get her a glass of water and a warm blanket before she gets started. I ask her if she wants anything to eat. We may talk or may not. It is the fact that she has someone who is there. Generally we do talk. We talk about everything and anything. I grab her magazines that she may like. We love to gossip.. Lol.. Usually she falls asleep for a little while.

Granted there is no telling that she feels that way but I know how I felt and I believe that I am one of the strongest person I know. I know that she is too. She is very strong and does not ever complain about a thing. If I never complain and I am struggling then what is she going through that she is not admitting to anyone?

We struggle in our own way, in our own private hell. We feel that it is our own issue and we need not bother others with the little things. Sure we will reveal enough to make others feel better but we don’t let go of it all.

For me I get tired of thinking. It’s exhausting. You wouldn’t think it would be but it is for me. I will sob from pure exhaustion because I cannot comprehend my own thoughts and feelings. Just existing is exhausting sometimes. I want to tell someone how I feel but the words are lost somewhere. I then feel alone even though I am not.

Everyone has their own life and they are busy but don’t give up on the ones who are struggling with an incurable disease. They may tell you that they are doing fine but please remember that they are dealing with it every day. It is not going away. They are waking up to it and going to bed with it. They never get to walk away from it.

I have two daughters. One who is no longer talking to me and the other who is hypochondriac and is always dying so we are dealing with her ailments not mine. I love them unconditionally no matter what. I exist to no other family members. But I inherited my husbands sisters and I am the lucky one there..!!!

I am so hungry that I could eat the ass end off a dead skunk!!

This is a wonderful side effect of the frickin IV infusions that I have been enduring for the past three days. I just lost almost 100 pounds and I vow that I will not gain any of that weight back at all!! This gawd awful MS is ravaging my life has it is and I will be damned if I allow it to destroy anymore of my self esteem.

I will keep a big bowl of light popcorn near me to snack on and I will have fruits and vegetables in the house. I will swallow my pride and put on my cute little adult underwear and pump out the water. I will not beef up because of this infusion series. I was told by the hubby that he noticed my walk wasn’t as jittery as it was. I noticed that too. However, I am getting numbness in my hands and feet.

Now am I not only dealing with those side effects but I get to deal with the new side effects of the pill that I am starting. Did I tell you how expensive MS is!?!?! Yea it is frickin slap your gramma and steal her gawdy jewelry expensive!! Kick her dawg and steal the collar for good measure expensive!!

I thought the cancer treatment my mother in law was going through was jaw dropping, out of this world crazy but MS is coming in a tight second if not beating it, depending on the treatment you are going through with MS. This is where you can get extremely discouraged and depressed about your health and life because you just hear the costs and wonder how you are going to pay for it all. Then you have your health insurance and your health care. It is so overwhelming.

I pride myself on being the strong person who is generally there for others. I can take a lot. I will defend others no matter what it is. I pride myself on being able to understand and handle things that others cannot. I am usually the advocate for others. I am the one who will listen to the doctor and pay attention to what they are saying. I will fill out the paperwork and send it it. So that person doesn’t have to worry about it.

Now I am that person who has to have someone else listen to the doctor because I am not able to make sense of what they are saying. I have to have someone else fill out the paperwork for me and send it in for me. I still am strong, I am just struggling. I am still there for others, I just need the help of others myself.

I am not who I was but I am still here. I am still Wendy. I just have Multiple Sclerosis. I will always have it. There is no cure for it. I appreciate the ideas and everything that family and friends are throwing my way regarding this disease. I am trying each and every one of them.

I am not close minded and I am willing to try your ideas because you never know what might ease my symptoms just a little. If I can ease it a tad then it was worth it. I am just tickled that they are taking the time to research the disease and find out what it is and how they can help me. The more familiar they are, the more they can help me with this process.

Because believe it or not, I am still learning how to handle this damn thing. Each day is a new adventure for me. Not every day is the same. I am trying to adjust the best way I know how. I will not make excuses to you. I will tell you the truth. I get tired a lot and easily. I can’t do things like I used to. I want to see you and I miss you. Please understand that.

And with each new medication come new side effects. So I ask you to understand. I am struggling with more than I am telling you.

Hi, my name is Wendy and I have MS. But I also have M&Ms.

Boy that sure will get someones attention now won’t it? Please know that I am not willing to share either one of those with anyone. I am extremely greedy when it comes to my chocolate. I would not wish the disease on anyone either. You may be asking if I would wish it on my worst enemy and I would have to say No, because I have other ideas for them.

You see there are support groups and medications for MS. It helps ease the flares and triggers, some. I want my enemies to to have something like flaming hemorrhoids (actual flames!) that will not ever ease up no matter what they use. If they get any fluid on them, it will burn worse. Kinda like getting rubbing alcohol in a paper cut.

Did I fail to tell you that I am vindictive? LOL… LOL Yeah it’s a curse that I have come by naturally. These are just thoughts, you should hear what I have actually done to someone who has crossed me… Yes I admit my thoughts are dark but I am entitled. You would want to be my friend, trust me.

So I seem to have gotten off the subject. I hate when that happens.

Oh yeah, I have MS.

MS has its good points and its bad points. Granted there are more bad than good. But I am going to tell you about the good ones. I think that it is important for you to understand that I do embrace this disease. It is a part of my life whether I like it or not.

MS gives me the excuse to take a nap. In fact it gives me the excuse to take a lot of naps. Unfortunately I can’t because I have insomnia. Lol… But I do have those days when I overdo it and I may sleep over the next day. Or should I say over sleep? Well you know what I mean.

MS allows me the opportunity to get out of things that I don’t want to do. It is my own permanent personal hand written note from my mom so to speak. “Please excuse Wendy from blah blah blah because she has MS”. I can do it if I want to or if I can, it is solely up to me. ME!!!! 🙂

Then there is my newly created excuse. It is one that was brought to my attention by a bestest friend. It was said that I earned it and it should be titled “my fuck it”. We have an extra bedroom and it my craft room. Yet it also serves as a guest bedroom. I have to rearrange things when we have family come to our house for a few days. Generally I don’t mind but I haven’t been able to get into my craft room for a while now.

We have decided that because of my health issues, we are not able to entertain certain family members. I am not sorry about this decision and I will use this as a gift,if you will. My hubby is merely protecting me from things too. I can’t entertain nor can I do much. But I am not feeling guilty about it either. Fuck it!!!

I have MS and I have an attitude to match!!!

To be continued…… Lol

Every day that my name is not in the obituaries is a great day!!

So yesterday I had to have a bunch of blood drawn and what was really sad about the entire experience was that the friend of mine and myself knew more about the blood draw than the person who was actually doing it! Where do they get these people from and how do interview them?

But regardless we had a laugh and she was able to get the blood drawn without incident so..

I am tired of all the tests but I understand that it needs to be done. It just exhausts me so much and I am trying to maintain a good attitude throughout the process. I look around my house and realize that I need to get rid of some things. Box up stuff that is just collecting dust and since I am having a hard cleaning, well let’s get rid of the culprits.

If I don’t have any thing collecting dust, then dusting just got a whole lot easier!!

I am going to use my (rollator) walker with wheels, to assist me in vacuuming. I will sit down on it and scoot with the vacuum in front of me. I have a long hose attached to the vacuum cleaner so I can get it done. All I need the vacuum cleaner for is to get rid of the dog hair..

Plus the walker can assist me with the laundry. I can put a basket on the seat and move it to the laundry room back an forth. I will use the same basket to clean off the table and desk. I will take things to the appropriate place.

I can sit down and rest when I need to. I just need to get going. Once I get my braces and get going on a medication regime, I will be able to get some form of a system.

No one else is going to clean my house and I can’t have it go to the hell on me and become part of my depression. I will not allow it to be part of my stress because that will just aggravate my illness.

So I tried all of this and it worked. But I am paying for it now. It took me all day to try it out but at least I have a general idea of what I need to do.

If anyone has a problem with the way I am doing things then they are more than welcome to get their happy ass behind the handle of my mop and get to work!!!

The famous Mother’s Curse

As mothers day has come and gone, I have been reflecting on my own experiences as a mom and also as a daughter.. Each year I send my mom a mothers day card and a birthday card. The two days fall within a couple of days of each other.

Each day is a special day and each day gets a card and a check for $25.00. She sends me the same thing for my birthday, it’s a running gag that we have. Her thing is each day gets a separate present because they are separate occasions

I also call her on each day. Because she deserves to be called. I talk to her about everything and anything on those calls. She is my mom she deserves to be treated like a queen on those days. Even if I can’t be there, I will still make sure that she knows that I love her.

Granted she doesn’t do text messages nor does she have a computer so she doesn’t do emails. I still wouldn’t send her those. I would still send her the cards and I would call her .In fact she has dementia and has no idea who I am anymore but I still send her the cards and I call her.

She may not know me anymore but I still know her and I will continue to let her know that I am thinking of her. She deserves to know that. She is still my mother and I her daughter. That will never change. Even though she doesn’t remember to send me cards that is ok. I know that she would if she could.

It does hurt like hell that she does not remember me but just hearing her voice is enough because I know that there will come a time when I will no longer be able to hear her voice any more. I will have nothing but memories. So I will take what I can at the moment.

Now for the mothers curse…

My oldest daughter sent me a present and text Generally I only get a text. I usually get a text from both of my daughters, but I never get a card or presents. Yet this year I didn’t even get a a text from my youngest daughter. I want to say that I am ok with this set up but I am not. Each year is the same thing. And each time I am hurt.

However, each one of them have kids and they are close to their kids as I am. They do not think that their children will do this to them. They will not be hurt by their children. But they will be. They will be sitting there waiting for the mail to come

So let me be honest with you and break your little bubble. I will reveal the harshest part of the curse that no one speaks of.

When you don’t call your mom on those special days, it does break her heart. She may tell you that it is ok and it is fine. She is lieing to you. Yep, your mom lied to you!! She was waiting by the phone all day, she held unto her cell phone all day long just in case you called She never was too far away from her phone. She was hoping that you would have a few minutes, even seconds, to call her.

She may have said that it was OK that you didn’t send her a card but again she lied to you!! She was so hopeful each time she went to the mailbox that she would have a card waiting for her. But each time she was heartbroken..She bit her lip and acted like she was ok and strutted through her day. When her friends bragged about what they received, she smiled and said that they were so lucky.

When they asked her what she got, she lied..She either made up gifts or she made up excuses for how busy her children were in their lives..Either way she lied .All the while she was heartbroken and crying inside because she was forgotten by her children . The ones who she had always been there for and still is.

So silently she wishes that you go through what she does..That you experience the worse type of heartache ever. No mom or dad should ever feel this way.

So do me a favor and write your parents a letter and send them a $50.00 bill. You owe them way more than that. Tell them how you really feel, write from the heart and for God’s sake make it more than one damn page!!! This won’t lift the curse but it will make both of you feel so much better.. Your mom and dad deserve this much!!!

Hi my name is Wendy, first time caller, long time listener.

I despise technology. It has taken away all forms of sensitivity and compassion..The days of sending an actual card that you spent precious time and energy searching for the perfect one is gone. Now you just get a cold and meaningless text. Sure the person took the time to type it up and send it to you but that’s all. A mere ten seconds out of their lives spent on you. Don’t you feel special?

But what do you expect because a lot of things have changed. I remember getting a quarter when I lost a tooth. I then gave my girls a dollar when they lost a tooth. Now my daughter is giving her daughter $5.00 for every tooth she looses. I need to change my profession!!!

However, I recall having to cut my own switch (a stick from a tree) or my mom used a wooden spoon to discipline us when we were young..She used whatever she could find handy. I had a “board of education” that was made for me plus a used a wooden spoon. I also used a technique of holding a fifty cent piece up against the wall and if they dropped it then they got whooped

Now my daughter does the same as I did but I have one that does the time out chair, the talking thing and the expression. She has never laid a finger on her children and let me tell you, she is paying for it. The generation coming up is spoiled and out of control. My youngest daughter has bought her kids everything her kids have ever wanted. They want for nothing.

I am baffled and yet extremely disappointed.

Society wonders why the world is going to be hell. Really?!?!

It is because we don’t discipline our children and if we do, every Tom, Dick and Harriet is quick to call 911 and turn us in for child abuse. Even our own children have been programmed by the same society that is complaining that if your parents touch you, call 911!!Because that is child abuse and we can protect you.

If you yell at them, abuse. If you grab them, abuse. If you demand that they do a chore and take away their electronic, abuse. Parents cannot win and the children know this.

My oldest daughter tried that trick once. I told her to go right ahead and call. But I told her what was going to happen before they got there. I wasn’t going to jail for a measly spanking Oh hell no!!! If I was going to jail, I was going to fuck her up!! They would have to give her an enema just to get her teeth so they could identify her with dental records!! Then they would put her in foster care. I described what foster care was like. Going to her dad’s house was not an option so go ahead and make that call!!! !!

I silenced that young teenager real quick let me tell you. She never threatened me with that again and neither did her sister.

We have lost that control. We need to get it back. I brought my girls up to respect their elders and I raised them to hug and say I love you. But somewhere along the way I have lost them to technology They used to send me cards but once they became moms themselves I lost the sensitivity.. That’s ok though because I will have my revenge……

I know that when it comes time for them to receive cards ,they will understand how I feel. But until then I have to hide my pain and heartache. The will experience so many things from their kids that they are putting me through .. And all I can do is smile… .Because I placed that Mother’s Curse upon them when I said “I hope you have a kid that acts just like you!”

Happy Mother’s day to me!!! Happy Mother’s day to all of the Mother’s reading this!!!! United we stand….

It’s really sad when all I want to do is cry but I want to take a nap instead..Naps are far more important, crying can wait.

I apologize for not being around. Well I have been around, I just haven’t been able to type or do much of anything. Life has been crazy and pretty much a whirlwind for me. I won’t say that I haven’t cried because I have done a lot of that lately. Some from pain some from frustration and some from sadness.

I am still in shock of the diagnosis and the more I learn about the disease, the more I feel depressed about it. Multiple sclerosis is a defeating and demeaning disease. It will truly put you in your place It has no sense of humor at all and it thrives on embarrassing you whenever it gets the chance.

Ju when you think you are going to be OK with it, it smacks you in the face and says that you are going to do it the way it wants. I was blacking out as you know so my Dr immediately put in an emergency order for two MRIS.

I wasn’t able to leave that day until she received the results. The hard part was laying still for that length of time during the tests but I tried. It was started and restarted numerous times because of my muscle twitching. It took hours but felt like a lifetime.

I sat down with a couple of wonderful friends who were there for support while we waited for the results. Once they got the results, I was came back home and found that it was indeed Ms. I then had appointments sc with a MS neurologist who then scheduled an immediate lumbar puncture or spinal tap.

I was at the hospital from 7:30am until 4pm. This was because the neurologist had requested more fluid than normal be removed for testing. I had to lay flat all that time. The next day was horrible and horrendous..I experienced the spinal headache of all headaches. It is a week later and I am still not fully recovered. I have actually experienced total paralysis and that is new.

I have went and got fitted for my leg and back braces, will get those in two weeks. I have a half hour of blood work scheduled next week and then I have three days of iv steroids infusions scheduled for the week after that. We know that I have Aggressive Progressive MS. No one has seen this before so early on This is generally the most later of stages. My MS neurologist is baffled.

She is unsure of what to do and where to go from here. She is consulting with others. I just want a medication regimen so that I can get a some form of normalcy in my life. Right now I am living with multiple sclerosis and I am taking nothing for it. I am being treated for depression and anxiety but that is just a bandaid.

I am tired and I just want to cry I do get emotional about it. My mind says that I can do everything but my body says nope.. On my birthday I collapsed between my bed and the wall. I was there for over an hour and hour or more. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t call for Rick who was outside and I couldn’t get to the bathroom. It was humiliating and such an eye opener of what was to come.

My life is changing and my lifestyle has to change..I am not ready but I no longer have a choice.. MS took my independence and my voice. I still have my humor and I will bring it out more…. That I can promise you !!!!

I am going to say what you are thinking

What really irritates me to no end is when people post on social media to “pray for me” or s of that nature and then not say why. Why is it that you can’t say why you want everyone to pray for you?

People will pray for you no matter what, in fact, they are more than likely to be there for you if they knew why you were in such pain. People need to know what you need . Why must you remain so vague about it?

They do the same thing when they post statuses about how they are upset or angry. Yet they will go into great detail about what they had for dinner. Hell they will even take pictures of what they ate. They will tell you what their kids did to upset them or to make them laugh. Why can’t they tell us why they are in need of a prayer?

I would rather them come right out and state what is troubling them because they just might find out that they are not alone. They may find themselves in an elite group of people who can relate. This fact is not better than a prayer by all means but it does give you a circle of friends who are there for you.

Stop the guessing game and the pity party. Just come out and tell us what you need and why. What is so hard about that ? We all have had hard times and hardships. We all have had struggles. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to be weak and no one is going to look at you differently.

Learn to lean on your friends. Open up to someone.