I go by many names. Wendell ( actual legal name coz dad wanted a boy), Bitch ( that is a compliment !), Mom,Nana, Mizzus Reed ( all melt my heart ) and now Dysfunctional Diva. But please understand all of these could prove to be your worst nightmare!!!!

With that being said . I don’t have warning labels but if you know me then you already know the crucial one.


I am generally respectful if I am aware of my audience but if I am talking to you on the phone..welllll… I need to be warned ahead of time. If you cannot provide me that one small allowance, then don’t be offended if I say something that gives you a major Butt Hurt. ( this was revised,editted, deleted,and cancy coated to protect your nampy pampy ass).. Even I am fair.

Now be forewarned, this here is my blog. You are here because you choose to be. I say what I want yet you are more than welcome to speak your mind. This is a Safe Place.

I dont get easily offended. So that is something to remember while you are here. But I ask you to have the common courtesy to let me know if I offended you. Don’t stop talking to me with no reason and don’t hang up on me without any just cause. Especially if I reach out to you. And don’t snub me.

I do have feelings and i do expect respect. Treat me like I treat you.

I am not a phony person. I am not a two faced person either. I do not use people for my own advantages. I can see a bullshitter from a mile away. And I have no problem calling them out on their shit. I am a loyal friend. I keep secrets. I have your back when no one else does. I am the person who will pay for someones groceries.

I know a lot of people but have very few friends. I can count on one hand all of the people who I can trust. I don’t reach out like I should but it is not because I don’t have anyone, it is because of my past life. I have been burnt, betrayed, let down, left behind,and forgotten.

I have been the only one who was there for myself for so long that some things ( habits) are hard to break. Even after all these years. I no longer get my hopes up for anything because that wsy i will never be disappointed. In reality i am the only left hurt.

Alright enough of this temper tantrum. Thanks for listening.

Jimmy Buffet lied!! I am not wasting away in Margarittaville!! More like growing mile high in Chicagoland! WTF!!!

So you remember me telling you that I had lost 100 pounds.? But I was gaining it back thanks to MS. Well I continued to gain weight even though I barely eat. I do not drink soda or pop ( wherever you are from) . I no longer eat sugar or salt. I have been religious on portion control without even realizing it. I do however, leave one bite on my plate. ALWAYS.

Oh, I read about doing that somewhere that it showed that you had discipline.

I was becoming more mobile which I was thanking my infusions.Yet I noticed that my feet were swollen. My primary put me on water pills and scheduling tests. She then referred me to a Vein Specialist who increased the dosage on the water pills and scheduled different tests.

Now you’re probably thinking all those water pills must have been a real bitch for someone who couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough. And yes it is but remember I wear pull ups. I just increased the absorbecy…lol🤣!,,,

I have to watch out for sores and I have to use “butt paste” because I cannot get any sores whatsoever.

Well now I have been diagnosed with Lymphedema. Nothing is working .Water pills,layered ace bandages, and compression stockings. Oh and massages.For a month all techniques have failed. Did I tell you that I swelled up while each technique was being done???

Yep, I should be part of Research and Development.

The next step is Compression Milkers/Massagers. You wear these huge inflatable sleeves over your legs . They will massage or contract in a milking fashion for a pre set time. Right now I have indentations from leggings.the leggings are loose and should not be leaving any mark at all.. This is where I am aging my weight too.

I can’t walk much because my feet hurt so much. I need to walk to lose weight. It is a catch22 or 21.

I’m done.

I am taking all of my toys and going home.. Fuck this!!😥

I have never been one to do anything half-assed. I must make sure everything is fubar….

As if having Aggressive MS wasn’t enough, I had to add Lymphedema to the mix. Oh you don’t know what that is? Let me “dumb-it” down for you. I am not saying you are dumb , I am just helping you understand it. I do encourage to research it further.

I had to research it because I was not familiar it and now I’m being told that life is going to change. My husband was getting instructions on how to do certain things while I was still answering questions.

See my feet had begun to swell up and no one knew why. I was taken off all of my medications and each one reintroduced separately. I had CT scans, MRI, ultrasounds and countless blood draws. Each one ruling out certain things. Now mind you my feet were swollen but now my legs were as well.

Water pills were kind of helping but not enough to be considered the cure all. We figured out that it wasn’t my heart or circulation. It was getting harder to walk and I can’t even explain the tightness in my legs. My bones felt like someone took a sledge hammer to them. I was then told that whatever it was ,it was MS related.

My primary care physician sent a referral to a Vein Specialist. Now mind you I am no longer able to wear shoes or even socks. My feet look like I am related to the elephant man. They are red and painful. The skin is extremely tight. Sometimes my legs will swell up to the groin area. Mere clothes are torture for me.

Fourteen years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had went in for my yearly exam and the Dr had felt a lump. He immediately scheduled for a biopsy. It was a whirlwind from there. I was scheduled with specialists and surgeons. This isn’t something I wanted to deal with because I had just lost my dad.

So I had a total lumpectomy performed. They also removed all of my lympnoids removed from my right side. Everything under and behind my breast was removed. I was also scheduled to go through six sessions of radiation just to make sure that there was no cancerous tissues or cells missed. I would have a session of chemotherapy before and after the radiation.

Well because of that surgery you are at risk of getting Lymphedema. All it takes is a traumatic event, injury or whatnot to occur to trigger it. Well mine was the blacking out and falling due to the Aggressive MS. Now I have both to live with.

I told you earlier that my husband was getting instructions on things. He will now be wrapping my legs since I am unable to make sure that wrapping is done correctly. You have to loosely wrap the leg with gauze wrap. Then starting at the toes you use a 4″ ACE bandage and wrap tightly. You overlap slightly, when you get to the end you begin a 6″. You keep going until you reach the upper thigh. You are doing what they call “milking”. Trying to get the fluid to move off the bottom where it has settled.

I then have to be fitted for compression socks and stockings. I also have to have these compression pumps fitted. I have to constantly apply lotion to everywhere. I have to readjust my diet. I am forever on water pills. I have to constantly watch.

So now my ms therapist will have to work closely with my lymphedema therapist. A regular schedule has to be arranged with the visiting nurses. My immune system is really compromised, more than it was with MS. My diet is really strict and I even more Dr. appointments are scheduled.

My husband didn’t ask for this. I am exhausted. I am still trying to get adjusted to MS. I’m tired. I am losing myself in this process. Oh and let’s add the virus into the equation. I only leave the house for Dr appointment. When I do get around people I worry about the flu. We didn’t ask for this..Enough is enough.

Aren’t you just proud to be an American? Maybe a slice of cheese but not as a person per se.


The term “American” is changing as well as the definition. It is becoming more and more difficult to find reasons to not despise those who are in charge.

Since when do we permit looting and violence to occur? Oh, that’s right, they were hurting from the death of a black man. The black man who was a drugged out thug. The thug who had been given the officers a hard time.

Oh, don’t get me wrong I don’t condone what the officers did to him. They should be held accountable for their actions. I believe that they should not be permitted back on the force until they are dealt with accordingly.

I feel all police officers be mandatorily equipped with body cams. And dash cams. Those cams are to be running at all times. No excuses and no exceptions. They are also to have tasers and pepper spray. Pepper spray is to be used only if they are being approached by a threat. Tasers are to be used as a deterient of a exiting person.

Whatever happened to the police being able to shoot perps in their knees? Or if they aren’t, then let them shoot them in the ass cheeks!! Either way they are not going to be killed and they will survive. It is not a kill shot. It can be fixed. It will stop them in their tracks. Also, start letting the dogs loose a lot sooner. The dogs are a perfect deterient.

Each and every day I am embarrassed to say that I am an American. I refuse to watch the news, more so than I ever was. I usually have the TV on just for the noise. I used to love watching the cooking shows and the oldies like “Green Acres and Bewitched” but even those channels are being invaded by the news.

Our country is an embarrassment and we have nothing to brag about. We refuse to admit that a millionaire republican is doing a good job at running the country. He is turning the shit upside down and it needs to be. Democrats are pissin and moaning because they hate change.

These are the same people who have been in the seats for over 30 years. That my friend must end. We must vote in “Term Limits”. Everything else has it. They get complacent and tend to forget what and whom is important.

2020 is going to go down as the weirdest and toughest year ever. Our president was ending ties with certain countries that were abusing our kindness and starting business with countries that deserved assistance. We had an all time low in unemployment and the stock market was rallying.

And then we were hit with a life threatening pandemic that was killing people off by the thousands. It still is… Our entire country was shut down. I am still quarantined.

During this time police officers killed a black man who was resisting arrest. That led to a group of people taking over a six block area surrounding a police station. This area is now deemed a separate city. We have officials who are ignorant and who are glorifying the actions of those idiots.

Then you have the blacks that are now screaming for reparations.. ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS!!!?

Oh and let’s not forget that they want to defund and demolish the police force..

Time to arm yourself and build a underground bunker. Because the inbred illiterate idiots are definitely breeding and THAT is a problem!!

Hi my name is Wendy and I am a first time caller, long time listener… (I have always wanted to use that line) ðŸ˜Š

Let me tell you about myself.

I have vented, ranted, went on a rampage, cursed and used humor. I have told you about my current situation and about certain things that have happened to me. But I am seriously considering writing a book so I am going to use you as a sounding board. My book shall be titled, “Yet I rise”.. Allow me to explain.

I did not rise above the ashes, so I am not the Phoenix. However, I did rise above the blood and broken bones, so therefore I am the Bitch!!! No matter what I have been through, I rise.

I have been dragged through hell by my hair and yet I rise. I have been thrown out of a moving car yet I rise. I have flown through a windshield of a car yet I rise. Hell kicked me out for causing too much trouble!!! Yet I rise!!

I didn’t come from a very loving home. We moved around a lot. We never stayed in one place long enough for me to make friends. My dad drank and my mom just didn’t care. I was the oldest of three. My sister and brother were innocent in every way and could do no wrong. I couldn’t stand them even at a young age.

We received no hugs in our home but we received ass whoopins. Even in school, we received them. I should not say we, because I was the sole recipient of this wonderful gift. My mother was relentless with the ass whipping. She used her wooden spoons, hair brushes or whatever she had. My grandmother made her a board that said “Board of Education” and she used that religiously.

If I got in trouble in school, I would get a spanking, then when I got home I received another one. As I got older, if I were to get into a fight with anyone well I better hope that I won because if I didn’t then there would be hell to pay with my dad. You didn’t lose a fight!!! You may get into trouble with your mother for fighting but you don’t lose a fight!! You best beat the fuck out of your opponent.

Or you got an extra ass whoopin with a leather belt from your dad.

Yet you never received a hug. Ever!!! Our family was n a huggy family. We ate dinner together but that is all we did together as a unit. You ate what was on the table or you sat there until you d. My mom would wrap it up and save it for your breakfast and so on. Because you didn’t waste food. You just had it saved for you on the next meal. Don’t even think about adding ketchup to it either!!

I always had the feeling that I was not liked. My mom was really hard on me and not on the other two pissants that lived in the house. They were supposed to do chores in the morning before breakfast and school but they would find so many excuses to get out of them. Leaving me to pick up the slack because you couldn’t leave the milking.

Cows don’t wait and chickens don’t wait. So I can’t make them wait. I have to get all the chores done before I can leave for school. Regardless if my siblings are doing their part or not. Generally those assholes would sleep in because they just did not want to get up.

They would do the same thing when it came to the afternoon chores. Playing was far more important than the chores. My mom would rag my ass and I was just a little kid. The entire time my siblings would taunt the hell out of me, even though they were young.

The anomosity has extended from the childhood to the adulthood. Except now I am not forced to talk to them. Ever!!! They both use people for whatever they can get. They lie, cheat, use, and are just plain evil.
I know that I can sleep at night with a clean conscience. I have a beautiful heart and soul, whereas they are ugly through and through.

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your seat, you can even pick your nose but you can’t pick your family.

This is probably a good thing. You can however choose not to associate with them any longer. Which is the best thing ever!!! For example : the person that my mom gave birth to. I would not piss on her if she was on fire!!! I wouldn’t even throw gasoline on her because I couldn’t risk it putting her out!!

I would just stand there yelling “burn heifer burn!”

Yea, can’t stand her. Never want to hear her name… Ever. Nor her husband’s or her kids. If I were to ever see her again I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. The same goes for my asshole brother. They are both all me me me. It’s all about what is in it for me. I will not do anything unless I get something in return.

Two faced, back stabbing, money hungry, going straight to hell, pieces of shit. I want to deliver them both to hell personally myself.!!

I was brought up to never hate anyone because hate is such a strong word but let me tell ya, I hate them!!! And I have reason to. And now she has the audacity to send friend requests to my daughters!! I have no idea what she is thinking. Both of my daughters have seen her in action and are appalled to say the very least.

I am okay without him or her being in my life. I am nothing like them and I just as soon not be associated with them. I have a heart and a soul whereas they do not. I am not sure who they get this from but if I had to guess, I would have to say from both sides of the family.

My dad only thought of himself until he got sober. He then was a completely different person. He was a loving and thoughtful man. But I digress and I will return to him in a few minutes. I have to remain organized here in order to make sense of it all.

My mom was a an only child and I believe that she had or was bi-polar. Maybe she was even a schizophrenic. You could actually see her facial changes in photos. I used to say that I was her favorite in cycles. She would go back and forth with me and those other two ass bags she gave birth to.

I dedicated my life to my dad when he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. We knew that he only had two years to live and I was going to make sure that he lived it to the fullest. We made a “Bucket List” and started checking things off one thing at a time. I eventually moved in with him while I was still working full time as a Quality Engineer.

He wanted for nothing. He wanted to make out his will and the list of things he wanted everyone to have of his. He kept asking me what I wanted and I kept telling him, nothing. I am not greedy. I just wanted him to be here. Well he ended up leaving me his trailer (mobile home). No one else was helping me with dad.

Yet he left them with a huge item worth a great deal of money. My brother got his pride and joy, his tricked out GMC truck and boat. . My sister got his huge wooden carved out eagle and snowmobile. I made sure everything else was handed out to the grandkids and sisters etc.

I then paid all of his outstanding bills. I was the one who paid for the funeral and his cremation. My brother and sister refused to. I had to pay for the ashes before they released them to me. My sister took the envelopes that held money in them. They were meant for me.

Once that was done and over with, I was served with court papers stating that I was being sued and I was losing the trailer. My sister was accusing me if drugging my dad and getting him to sign the trailer over to me. She also stated that the will was forged.

I won’t go any further into the details but three years later and thousands of dollars in the hole, I lost everything. I had nothing. Everything that dad left me was gone. I was homeless, jobless, and penniless. I had no one. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was going to do.

All I did know was that I was filled with so much hatred. More than I ever thought I could be. Still today I despise that pig. I am still waiting for Karma!!

What the fuck Karma??? It’s been 14 years, what are you waiting for?? Come on!!!!!

Hello, Is anyone out there? Can anyone hear me?

I am now sharing my blog with everyone on Facebook and you no longer have to register your email to read it. So could you come on by and like what I have read?

I want followers just to see what you think of my blog.

Click on the ads so I can see what you think of them. I am still creating this blog. I would like ideas as well. I get paid by the click on the ads!!

I want to clarify a few things regarding my last post. It may have come across as a little harsh against my husband and I may have made it sound a little bit like I was mistreated.

I am not mistreated in the least. You must understand that MS is an extremely stressful disease on anyone and everyone who is going through it. It shows no mercy on anyone. It will take the strongest person and shred them to pieces. It will test your faith and it will make you question your choice in every decision you have ever made.

I try to do everything on my own in order to keep things from my husband. I don’t want to stress him out any more than necessary. He is a wonderful man and he treats me like a queen. He protects me from all that is evil. He overdoes it sometimes if you ask me.

He has placed me in a plastic bubble and or he wishes to. He can’t protect me from everything. He can’t afford to worry about me when he is at work however. It is a new job and he is doing great at it. He can’t afford to mess up. Once he gets his own route, then we can begin setting up appointments with my doctors.

I made it sound like I was missing all of them but I was just feeling sorry for myself and I wasn’t giving you the full explanation. Yet you should know better than that because Rick and I are soul mates.

We have the kind of relationship that if you ask a question be prepared for the utmost of honest of response. He’s one that if you ask him if these pants make my butt look fat, he will tell you the truth.. But I am the same way. I have told him that he looks like a brightly-colored sausage link..

So, yes I do need to lose a few pounds and yes it would be healthy not to mention helpful. When I fall, I will be easier to pick up. If he was to get hurt picking me up then he couldn’t do his job. And we need his income. He has a point.

However, he has to understand that the medication that I am on makes me gain weight and I don’t have enough mobility to lose weight. I want to be able move around but it is not that easy. I just want some understanding of what I am going through.

Just because you read it on the internet doesn’t mean you are an expert because everyone is different. Every ms patient is different. We are like snowflakes, no two people are the same. I have Aggressive Ms and I am unlike most patients.

I am not tired of this, I am exhausted. I haven’t had a UTI like most of them have had. I have not lost my vision like most of them have. I have made modifications to our house. I have a hospital bed coming in so I can get in and out of bed. I also have a power recliner due in. This is so I am not on the floor anymore.

I also have a Gait Belt and a Lady Pouch (urine pouch). This is so I can stop wearing diapers for a while. I can then give my skin a break. I will be able to apply ZINC cream to eradicate the urine from my skin. Kinda like a deep skin cleanse.

I am attempting to make his life a little easier and less stressful but mostly I am trying to make my life more adaptable and less stressful for me. My goal is to get my $2500.00 Alinker bike out and using it!!! I need to get moving.. I have to.

Then maybe I can drive again. Or at least pop the protective bubble that is surrounding me.

Careful what advice you give because they just may take you up on it and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

Oh please don’t get me wrong, I am not a selfish person. I don’t ever ask for anything in return for the things that I do for someone. However, I kind of feel like I would like to be remembered for something that I have done.

In fact I feel like a heel just for discussing these things but I do need to talk about it. If I don’t, then I will continue to be eaten up by my own thoughts. I have to address things instead of burying them with the hopes that they will just go away.

I told or tell everyone including Rick, that he needed to trade in our car for a truck because I was no longer driving so I didn’t need it. He needed to go pick out a brand new truck that he loved. He would know it was made just for him the minute he sat in it.

I did when I sat in Moana. That is my 2000 GMC Sonoma 4×4 . I knew that she was made just for me when I sat in the drivers seat. It conformed to my body perfectly. The entire truck did. It had everything I needed and wanted. She was Shiny and Black and she sat high in the air. I fell in love immediately.

He found the same thing with Candy. The 2019 GMC Canyon . It has all the bells and whistles you can imagine. He can haul the trailer with the race car on it. He never had a brand new truck before. So he truly deserves it. He knew that the truck was made just for him the minute he sat in the driver’s seat.

I have told him and others that I refuse to allow him to sell the race car. It is his escape from me, the job and all of the other stress that is going on in his life. He has to have an escape from it. Me and my MS is and can be extremely stressful to handle. I say the same thing when I tell him to go on a fishing trip. And now he has begun to turn the second chassis into a open wheeled modified.

So now we have two race cars. We have a Sportsmans and a Open Wheeled Modified. I got a power recliner and a hospital bed. YEA ME!!! I think I got the raw end of the deal. Or so to say, I got fucked. The only thing that I have that takes me away from the stress is my appointments with my psychiatrist and psychologist. So why am I bitching??

How come no one is saying, Wendy needs to have something that is taking her away from it all. You can’t. MS is with me. It is me. And now with the Corno Virus 19 I really have to watch who I am around and where I am at. What used to be normal no longer exists.

I am supposed to be quarantined in my house to remain safe. I guess I will be “forever stay at home”.. I cannot be around anyone so no one can visit me. I cannot go anywhere. Well I could because I do have my masks and facial scarfs but it is a true pain in the ass to constantly load up my wheelchair. And to assist my fat ass up into the truck.

Sorry, I am feeling a bit blah because of the weight gain. It does a whammy to one’s self esteem. I will lose it once I get more and more of my mobility back.

It’s one thing to forget your grocery list at home, it’s another thing to forget how to walk.

Hi everyone. It has been a while since I have been here. I have taken a break from the blog because it was being used against me. My own words were being twisted around and misconstrued.

I use this blog to get things off my chest and just keep my sanity. Sometimes my blog is funny and sometimes it’s philosophical and deep. There are times when I say things that you are thinking but don’t want to say.

This is my safe place. My happy place. I welcome comments and debates are always welcome too. But you have to know me and my way of thinking before you can even begin to speak to me. But do not even be spiteful or mean. I have no room for small minded people or anyone who just wants to see me as miserable as they are.

With that being said, I will begin this blog.

So we are under a self quarantine due to the Covid 19 virus. I am not bothered by it because I am home bound anyway. I very seldom ever leave my house. In fact, I made the comment to my husband that the last time I left the house was in January for my Ocrevus infusion that lasted for 8HRS. Which means I have not left for three months.

We left to go get some sheet metal for the race car. It was a long drive and it was hard on me but I was glad to have gotten out of the house. I paid for it, trust me. Rick said my facial expressions on the way home said it all even though I wasn’t saying anything.

I don’t let on to much when it comes to my pain and illness. I have a hard time accepting it. I don’t want to appear to be whining or bitching. I am dealing with this issue and I hate it for all it is worth.

Since Rick is furloughed from his job, we have made appointments with all of my doctors and specialists. I have appointments with my primary doctor, Ms neurologist, (both of them), pain specialist, psychiatrist, psychologist and spiritual advisor.

I have a hospital bed ordered, a power chair ordered, elbow crutches and a gait belt ordered. I have a breathing apparatus to help me build up my lungs. There is a urine pouch being ordered as well.

My life has been changed since I have been diagnosed. And it is not ever going to be the same. I have to accept that. I am still falling once or twice a month. I am dealing with severe constipation because I only have a bowel movement once or twice a month.

I am so frustrated because I have gained some weight back. I lost 100 and gained 20 pounds back. I am so pissed about it. It seems like I just can’t seem to catch a break. I can’t take a diet pill because of my heart issue.

However, I will keep trying to get better. I have such a fantastic team of people. They call each other and discuss my treatment plan. I couldn’t be happier with them. They will have conference calls with one another and figure out what they are doing and what they want to do.

Now I need to tell you how MS changes you and your life.

You are humbled. Someone else to help you with pulling up your diaper (or what I like to call “my pull ups) . Helping you off the toilet. Possibly whiping your ass.(hasn’t happened yet). Helping you off the floor.

You need help getting dressed. Putting your sports bra on but first you need to get untangled from it because right now you look like a spazmatic zombie that is trying to give you hickies on your own titties. Either way it is not a pretty sight but it is a hilarious one!!!

You are one step away from having your eating utensils strapped to your wrist because you have an issue holding on to it. You can still feed yourself but you look like a infant who has just learnt how to use the big gurl spoon. You are holding it with your fist but you are holding it gawd-dammit!!!

And let’s not even mention what your toenails looks like.. Did you know that I trained my dog to paint my toes?? Sure did.. Yeppp… Lol… We do anything for a Klondike bar, he will do anything for a doggie bisquit.. The male whore!!

Oh speaking of sports bra…. Have you ever seen an exploded can of Pillsbury bisquits? Yea that’s what my boobs in my sports bra looks like in the morning… Scared the shit out of me the first time I woke up to them. 🤣

You lose your pride, your dignity and your independence when you have MS. You try everything you can to make sure that maintain these things but slowly you lose them. You have no control over this situation and that bothers you immensely. Yet the one thing that you lose to MS is friends.

That is the thing that hurts the most.

MS may have changed me but it didn’t change my phone number.

I am so sorry to have to finally admit that MS has beaten me down. It has gotten me depressed and irritated to where I no longer like who I have become. I don’t want to be around anyone either.

I am questioning if maybe I should go and seek help for a few days? I have lost all zest. I have found myself on the floor three times this past week and I have gained some weight back.

I don’t leave the house unless I am going to the doctors office. I go to the doctor and then back home. I don’t go anywhere else. Sometimes I am rushed there too. I watch the traffic. Sometimes my husband gets frustrated with me. He is rushed and impatient with me.

I did not ask for this. I don’t want this.

You truly realize all of the things that you take for granted. Things like, taking a shower, going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth, getting into bed, and more. But all of these are gone. My own independence is gone. I am unable to jump into the truck and go wherever and whenever I want.

Everyone else’s life has continued to go forward but mine has slowed down and I have been left behind. I feel forgotten. If I promised not to mention my handicap to anyone, do you think people would call or come over? Would they remember me more often than not?

I now have a complete understanding how some people who have MS can succumb to the symptoms and end it all.. It’s not about being selfish, it is about finding a precious moment of relief. It is not about being a hindrance to those around them, it is about a being a normal being.

I used to be the most optimistic person you could ever meet and I was also extremely humorous. Now I have a hard time with depression. I choose to remain silent. Silent and in the darkness.

My condition was described to a facility that was going to be doing my infusions as aggressive progressive and in a state of constant relapse. In other words, I get no relief.

I have been off any form of medication for three months now. I have been waiting for my insurance to approve my new medication (infusion). It is extremely expensive and brand new. But prior to the approval, I had to have numerous tests done. Extensive blood tests, Abrasive MRIS, EKGS, Mammogram and other tests.

Once you have the results back, then you get the insurance started towards the approval. Then we have to get started with the makers of the drug. They have programs that are available because the drug costs $65,000 per infusion.

You have one infusion, then two weeks later you have another one. Then six weeks later you have another one. Each infusion is six hours long. I can’t have my infusions done at my MS Neurologist because I have to be constantly monitored so I have to have them done at the Florida Cancer Specialist. Now I am waiting for them to call me with an appointment date.

That’s what I have been dealing with for the past month.

It is getting hard to exist.

I would give anything to just have someone who I could talk to about all of this. It is overwhelming but I am not seeking pity.