To look at me you would not think about I was classified as a manic depressive person but I am. I also have an anxiety disorder with a side order of panic disorder. Plus touch that all with a load of PTSD. Yeah I am totally fucked up in the head.

But it didn’t happen overnight it took years to get this way and I had help I will give credit where credit is due here I have kept silent for so many years ab my depression but I can’t any longer. I need to get things off my chest and out of my head .I deserve the clarity. I deserve the closure.

I am sitting here in distress and those who have destroyed me have carried on w their lives acting as if nothing has happened. Life is a fair I am dying inside and they are living. They have no idea what they h done to me Or if they do, they don’t care. I am numb and dark. I am filled with hate and blackness

I want revenge .I need retribution I want to do to them what they did to me. Yet I have to be the bigger person here.

I am a survivor of domestic violence. Not mellow violence either but toxic, violent and dangerous abuse. There were so many times I didn’t think that I would survive the numerous episodes of violent outbursts. There were times when I didn’t get up right away but I had to because of my daughters

However there were so many nights when I prayed to God to just take my last breath because I just couldn’t take another hit. Just let me go, just end it peacefully.

I will end this for now.. …..

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