Just when I thought I had been experiencing all that MS could dish out, it goes and deals me a different thing that upheavals my life. I did not another symptom especially a major one but that is what I received. I suppose they all are major in retrospect but this one truly did knock me on my ass.
I cannot tolerate the heat or humidity, which is a bitch especially living in Southern Florida. But I can no longer tolerate the rainy weather either and I absolutely love storms. The stormy weather now makes it to where I cannot tolerate being touched.!! My body has become so damned sensitive that I can not even handle my clothes touching me.
My hubby went to give me a hug and I just wanted to scream and pass out because of the extreme pain that I was in. I didn’t know how to tell him at the time but I did eventually. My feet were tingling and so were my hands. I just felt like I needed to run. I kept having this need to shake my hands.
I was miserable beyond belief. This was new to me. I so loved thunderstorms and now I fear them,worse than my 80lb lap dog does. So living in Florida has become a very hard for me but living in Michigan would be hard too. But you must understand that it is just not the heat and storms that is are issues for me.
I am not able to walk on the beaches. Granted I have my leg braces but they only help me for a little while. I can’t use my walker on the sand. I don’t have enough stamina to last long enough for a decent walk. I don’t have the muscle strength to do much. I have toe and foot drop so bad in both feet. The braces are helping but who wants to wear tennis shoes and braces to the beach?
As I have already mentioned, I went through my IV infusions a couple of weeks ago and I was told that since I have been going through the symptoms for so long that it will take a while for the medication to take effect. Ok, I get that. I also started my oral medication. With both of these two things going on, I have been extremely exhausted. I have had no energy at all. All I have wanted to do is sleep.
Oh and let’s n forget the fact that I am frickin starving all the time!! I have just lost all that weight and now I just want to eat. I just cannot get enough to eat. So I have to always make sure that I have a bowl of popcorn made and on hand.
I am on medication for anxiety and depression plus I see a therapist and psychiatrist but I still go through these stages of blahness. I cannot explain them any better than that. I just begin to weep for no reason. It doesn’t last long and I am ok afterwards. It is usually after I have a really bad day or two. Maybe it’s because I am just so exhausted from the fight.?
Sometimes it takes all I have to dig deep within my soul just to find enough energy and strength just to get through the day. And that is one day!!! Each day is a struggle and I fight to exist. Each day is a challenge for me. Getting dressed is a chore. Getting out of bed is a challenge. Both things exhaust me and can actually make me feel like going back to sleep.
I so wanted to go with my hubby to the racetrack and watch him race but I am not up for it. The heat is atrocious and I am not able to stand up for long even with the aid of the walker. I am having issues with the ms hug as well. He cannot be babysitting me today because he is racing. All I wanted was to be able to get out of the fuckin house!!! For something more than a damn doctor appointment!!!
Oh and I am still waiting to hear back from Social Security Disability Insurance to see if I am approved. I have been fighting for five years now. Saying prayers every day and night.