I finally won my case and I am now officially on Social Security Disability Insurance. I am officially deemed a disabled person and can receive benefits. I have fought for four years and been through so much shit. I have seen so many doctors and specialists. I have spent so much money that I didn’t have. But my relationship with my husband grew stronger and our faith remained true.

I knew that eventually I would win. I just couldn’t give up. I had so much time invested in that battle. I would wish on every star, every rainbow, and every wishbone. Every feather I found was a sign. I prayed every day and night. I made sure that I kept my Karma clean. I was doing everything I possibly could to ensure that this time I was going to be approved.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with MS that I was actually approved. All of my problems were actually MS. No one knew, no one had any inclinations that it could be that. I was just misdiagnosed all that time. I was actually losing again until my ms neurologist did the test because she said four years was way too long to be fighting. Within two weeks I had won.

That fight is over but I still have MS.

But you know what? I survived breast and colon cancer. I survived domestic violence. So I can do this too.

My husband says that I should write a book, I think that I shall.

Now for the rest of the story……

I refuse to give up my independence. I refuse to give up who I am. I may have MS but dammit I am not going to just sit here in diapers and let it take away my dignity!!! You know what I am going to do? I am going to write a letter to all of the makers of adult diapers and ask them why we can’t have “fun looking” diapers?

Why are they only in white? We already have issues with the fact that we have a wear the damn things. But can you please at least give them some sort of pizzazz? Sure leave them in the normal big ass baby diaper white for those who have a weird fetish thing going on.

We want colors and flowers and such. For example. I would like to have dragons, butterflies, bunnies, crayons, birdhouses, baby groot, cancer ribbons etc. I would like purple, dark blue, teal, pink and pastel colors for example. Take a poll from others to get a broad range for more ideas.

We spend a lot of money on these damn things and we have to wear them. Should we not be semi happy with what we are wearing? Toddlers have cool diapers and they can’t say shit about what they are wearing!!! They don’t give a rats ass about what their diapers look like, it’s their parents who are concerned about their popularity and such. Can’t be caught with the kid wearing a plain ugly white diaper, what would society think of them?

I want disability things to be stylish. Not mundane. We deserve to be able have nice things. Not drabbish shit. We are already fighting for our independence. We are losing so much more than anyone can ever imagine. Don’t let us lose our dignity.

I have a butterfly cane. My walker /rollater is hot pink with a zebra striped basket. I refuse to be drab and depressed. Even my t-shirts that represent the disease are funny and sarcastic.

The struggle is real but we have to be flexible with our needs and such. We cannot lose ourselves in the process. We must remember to laugh. We have to talk about how we feel. Be honest about everything. If you need anything, please ask. If you are unhappy, speak up! TALK! LAUGH!! IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU!!! CRY IF YOU NEED TO!!! NEVER STOP DOING SOMETHING!!! JUST LIVE LIFE!!