Grab a drink and a snack because you are going to be here for awhile. I am going to unload quite a bit of my pet peeves upon you. I am upset, saddened, riled up, disappointed, and appalled at people who say that they are my friends but…….

I am so sick and tired of hearing these sentences : ” I didn’t want to bother you because you have enough to worry about” or ” I didn’t want to trouble you with my problems because you have enough on your plate”.

OH MY EFFEN GAWD!!!!!

I went from talking or texting around ten people down to barely one. This doesn’t include my husband. I tell him everything. I have too because he is my rock. Then there is my therapist and my psychiatrist. I pay them to listen to me. And I have to drive to see them. My husband is my everything and I have to tell him everything I am going through.

But as far as my friends go.. Where are you? Please don’t use that lame as excuse. You would rather leave me alone with my thoughts? Leave me alone and isolated? Do you ever think that I may need a distraction away from my crippling disorder? That maybe I would love to help you with whatever you are going through? Or maybe I need to feel helpful and needed?

Or maybe I need to talk about what is going on with my life.?

Ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away nor is it going to make me get better. What it does do is alienate me and makes me feel like I no longer matter to you. I only mattered when I could do things. I did not ask for this. Trust me I didn’t!!

I miss the old me more than you do. She is still here. I never lost my personality or my sense of humor. I have just sometimes lose the use of my legs and arms and I sometimes struggle with my words and thoughts. I fall and I get tired easily. However, I have a cane, a rollator and now a wheelchair. So I am making things a little easier for you and me.

And please do not patronize me! If I happen to call you or text you, DO NOT!! Tell me that you were just getting ready to call me or text me!!! I know that you are lying through your frickin teeth!! I may be disabled but I am far from stupid!! I can hear the “oh dammit” in your voice. The last thing I want to be is a damn burden to you or anyone. I just wanted to say hi.

Yes I understand that the phone runs both ways. (I have always loved that comeback line). Maybe I should be better at the communication thing.

They say that some people come into your life for a reason. They may stay for a while or forever but some are here to teach a lesson and leave. Maybe I am that person who is to leave? Maybe it is time for me to walk away and I have just been fighting it.?

I have done my job and now I have to go……. Farewell my friends.

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