Oh please don’t get me wrong, I am not a selfish person. I don’t ever ask for anything in return for the things that I do for someone. However, I kind of feel like I would like to be remembered for something that I have done.
In fact I feel like a heel just for discussing these things but I do need to talk about it. If I don’t, then I will continue to be eaten up by my own thoughts. I have to address things instead of burying them with the hopes that they will just go away.
I told or tell everyone including Rick, that he needed to trade in our car for a truck because I was no longer driving so I didn’t need it. He needed to go pick out a brand new truck that he loved. He would know it was made just for him the minute he sat in it.
I did when I sat in Moana. That is my 2000 GMC Sonoma 4×4 . I knew that she was made just for me when I sat in the drivers seat. It conformed to my body perfectly. The entire truck did. It had everything I needed and wanted. She was Shiny and Black and she sat high in the air. I fell in love immediately.
He found the same thing with Candy. The 2019 GMC Canyon . It has all the bells and whistles you can imagine. He can haul the trailer with the race car on it. He never had a brand new truck before. So he truly deserves it. He knew that the truck was made just for him the minute he sat in the driver’s seat.
I have told him and others that I refuse to allow him to sell the race car. It is his escape from me, the job and all of the other stress that is going on in his life. He has to have an escape from it. Me and my MS is and can be extremely stressful to handle. I say the same thing when I tell him to go on a fishing trip. And now he has begun to turn the second chassis into a open wheeled modified.
So now we have two race cars. We have a Sportsmans and a Open Wheeled Modified. I got a power recliner and a hospital bed. YEA ME!!! I think I got the raw end of the deal. Or so to say, I got fucked. The only thing that I have that takes me away from the stress is my appointments with my psychiatrist and psychologist. So why am I bitching??
How come no one is saying, Wendy needs to have something that is taking her away from it all. You can’t. MS is with me. It is me. And now with the Corno Virus 19 I really have to watch who I am around and where I am at. What used to be normal no longer exists.
I am supposed to be quarantined in my house to remain safe. I guess I will be “forever stay at home”.. I cannot be around anyone so no one can visit me. I cannot go anywhere. Well I could because I do have my masks and facial scarfs but it is a true pain in the ass to constantly load up my wheelchair. And to assist my fat ass up into the truck.
Sorry, I am feeling a bit blah because of the weight gain. It does a whammy to one’s self esteem. I will lose it once I get more and more of my mobility back.