Bueller?Bueller? Ferris? Ferris Mueller? Bueller?

Someone asked me to describe what having MS like. Explain to them what a typical day was like. I was glad that she took the initiative to ask me to do that. She could have researched it and come up with a half-assed explanation. I will answer any questions someone has.

Besides by her asking such a ” simple” question, it forced me to really dwell deep and really think about the question at hand. Because normally no one bothers to ask,for whatever reason. So I took a couple of days and really paid attention to “me”. I even took notes!!

Bear with me while I step backwards into time. When I divorced my first husband I made the decision to go to college. I wanted to obtain as much knowledge as I possibly could get. I started with certificates, certifications, and two Associates Degrees. Then I got a job as a quality control person and I was hooked.

I found another job in a steel stamping factory. My boss was awesome. He wanted me to get as much knowledge as I possibly could get at the company’s expense. I am a certified welder, I am a licensed EMT/First Responder. I am certified in CMM, a couple of other machines, certification in blue prints and R&D. I have my Associates Degree in QS9000/AS9001/TS1001. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Quality Engineering.

I have an Associates, Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in healthcare administration specializes in business.

Today I got stuck on stupid because I couldn’t remember how to brush my teeth. Last night I was eating dinner, my husband cuts up my portions into small pieces so I don’t choke. I have to pay close attention to what I am doing because I will choke. But last night I apparently was just staring at the plate. My husband looked over at me and asked me if I was ok?

I said in a really quiet voice ” I don’t know what I was doing?” I had forgotten how to use my fork but most of all , I had forgotten how to eat dinner. I get stuck on stupid alot. My husband has to help me a lot. To get dressed, off of the shitter, etc. MS STRIPS you of your pride. Fast and Fiercely.

But I am still here. I am stuck on the inside screaming to get out. I am still here. Yet the one who sitting in the chair isn’t me. I try to guide her in so many different ways hoping my help will boost her upward. I am her biggest fan and I know she can do it. But at times I don’t think she can hear me.

She very seldom cries but i cry a lot. No one else sees or understands her pain but i do. She can’t hide from me. If someone asks her how she’s doing, she will say ok. She knows that they don’t really want to know. It’s just pleasantries . It’s not a pain but more so an ache. Heartache. Of all of the things she took for granted. Things that her husband will not do.

Like shave her legs, bikini wax, paint her toe nails, apply moisturizing lotion her legs, shave her pits, pluck her whiskers on her chin, wax her upper lip,take her to get her hair did, help her with her makeup. I will get there by taking baby steps. Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t pity me either. It’s not your fault and I am not talking about you here.

I would (have) give the shirt off my back. I have bought the groceries for someone who couldn’t because of money issues. I have paid a utility bill of an senior citizen so their power wouldn’t be shut off. I am never ask for acknowledgement because HE knows. Those people didn’t ask , I just did it. I would hope that if I ever were to need a hand,someone would be there.

This is where I say what I usually say each and every night.

God grant me the Serenity ,to Accept the things I cannot Change, the Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the Difference.

I still remember how to say this so that is a major plus if you ask me!!

Hello, Is it me you’re looking for?

It’s been awhile since I have written anything here,and for that I apologize. I don’t know who I am apologizing to really because I am public. But for those that do read do read my posts,

THANK YOU! IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.

So, as you are well aware, I have an aggressive form of progressive primary multiple sclerosis. Please do me a favor and educate yourself on this disease. Because MS is not the disease that Jerry Lewis has a tele-thon for. No I cannot walk it off, it is not all in my head, every persons ms is different, and I will not grow out of it.

The Covid 19 virus has finally plateaued, or so we all hope an pray. Most people are or have received the two required shots. I have opted not to get mine. This was a decision that was approved by my primary care physician. There are still far too many unwanted variables that both sides are debating on and it is not 100%. No thanks, I will wait.

The virus hasn’t helped things any. In fact it has modified them to a whole new level. I was feeling like a leper before the virus took place, even though MS is NOT contagious. I repeat,MS IS NOT CONTAGIOUS! Then along comes the virus and the excuses not to visit me are justified and excusable. But hey I am an introvert so I don’t like people anyways. It’s a win win.

But just in case anyone is wondering, I will not talk about my disease or how I am feeling. I will not bitch and moan about how it has robbed me or how it is unfair. Not once will anyone hear me talk about the loneliness and depression are haunting me damn near on a weekly basis. However, I have an awesome game face and no one will be the wisest.

Oh,I can hear some of you get up on your soapbox and state “hey the phone lines run both ways.You can easily call me first or text or email me. Blah blah blah.” True. But let me explain something to you. It isn’t that easy for me sometimes. So many times I get stuck on stupid.I literally forget how to do simple tasks.

I can’t talk sometimes. My hands or fingers will not work. Sometimes I lose my voice. Sometimes I forget how to text or answer my phone. It is not that I am intentionally being rude, I am truly unable to do the most simple tasks. But I very seldom will reveal my weaknesses or handicap.

My husband who is also my caregiver is stressed beyond belief because he just wishes someone would give him some relief from me. That is my next post. I am now going to be searching for and hiring a housekeeper and babysitter. If I dont do this ,my next step is placing myself in an assisted living facility. For a couple of days.

So, I am still here. Where are you?

I go by many names. Wendell ( actual legal name coz dad wanted a boy), Bitch ( that is a compliment !), Mom,Nana, Mizzus Reed ( all melt my heart ) and now Dysfunctional Diva. But please understand all of these could prove to be your worst nightmare!!!!

With that being said . I don’t have warning labels but if you know me then you already know the crucial one.

DO NOT PUT ME ON SPEAKER PHONE!!

I am generally respectful if I am aware of my audience but if I am talking to you on the phone..welllll… I need to be warned ahead of time. If you cannot provide me that one small allowance, then don’t be offended if I say something that gives you a major Butt Hurt. ( this was revised,editted, deleted,and cancy coated to protect your nampy pampy ass).. Even I am fair.

Now be forewarned, this here is my blog. You are here because you choose to be. I say what I want yet you are more than welcome to speak your mind. This is a Safe Place.

I dont get easily offended. So that is something to remember while you are here. But I ask you to have the common courtesy to let me know if I offended you. Don’t stop talking to me with no reason and don’t hang up on me without any just cause. Especially if I reach out to you. And don’t snub me.

I do have feelings and i do expect respect. Treat me like I treat you.

I am not a phony person. I am not a two faced person either. I do not use people for my own advantages. I can see a bullshitter from a mile away. And I have no problem calling them out on their shit. I am a loyal friend. I keep secrets. I have your back when no one else does. I am the person who will pay for someones groceries.

I know a lot of people but have very few friends. I can count on one hand all of the people who I can trust. I don’t reach out like I should but it is not because I don’t have anyone, it is because of my past life. I have been burnt, betrayed, let down, left behind,and forgotten.

I have been the only one who was there for myself for so long that some things ( habits) are hard to break. Even after all these years. I no longer get my hopes up for anything because that wsy i will never be disappointed. In reality i am the only left hurt.

Alright enough of this temper tantrum. Thanks for listening.

Jimmy Buffet lied!! I am not wasting away in Margarittaville!! More like growing mile high in Chicagoland! WTF!!!

So you remember me telling you that I had lost 100 pounds.? But I was gaining it back thanks to MS. Well I continued to gain weight even though I barely eat. I do not drink soda or pop ( wherever you are from) . I no longer eat sugar or salt. I have been religious on portion control without even realizing it. I do however, leave one bite on my plate. ALWAYS.

Oh, I read about doing that somewhere that it showed that you had discipline.

I was becoming more mobile which I was thanking my infusions.Yet I noticed that my feet were swollen. My primary put me on water pills and scheduling tests. She then referred me to a Vein Specialist who increased the dosage on the water pills and scheduled different tests.

Now you’re probably thinking all those water pills must have been a real bitch for someone who couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough. And yes it is but remember I wear pull ups. I just increased the absorbecy…lol🤣!,,,

I have to watch out for sores and I have to use “butt paste” because I cannot get any sores whatsoever.

Well now I have been diagnosed with Lymphedema. Nothing is working .Water pills,layered ace bandages, and compression stockings. Oh and massages.For a month all techniques have failed. Did I tell you that I swelled up while each technique was being done???

Yep, I should be part of Research and Development.

The next step is Compression Milkers/Massagers. You wear these huge inflatable sleeves over your legs . They will massage or contract in a milking fashion for a pre set time. Right now I have indentations from leggings.the leggings are loose and should not be leaving any mark at all.. This is where I am aging my weight too.

I can’t walk much because my feet hurt so much. I need to walk to lose weight. It is a catch22 or 21.

I’m done.

I am taking all of my toys and going home.. Fuck this!!😥

I have never been one to do anything half-assed. I must make sure everything is fubar….

As if having Aggressive MS wasn’t enough, I had to add Lymphedema to the mix. Oh you don’t know what that is? Let me “dumb-it” down for you. I am not saying you are dumb , I am just helping you understand it. I do encourage to research it further.

I had to research it because I was not familiar it and now I’m being told that life is going to change. My husband was getting instructions on how to do certain things while I was still answering questions.

See my feet had begun to swell up and no one knew why. I was taken off all of my medications and each one reintroduced separately. I had CT scans, MRI, ultrasounds and countless blood draws. Each one ruling out certain things. Now mind you my feet were swollen but now my legs were as well.

Water pills were kind of helping but not enough to be considered the cure all. We figured out that it wasn’t my heart or circulation. It was getting harder to walk and I can’t even explain the tightness in my legs. My bones felt like someone took a sledge hammer to them. I was then told that whatever it was ,it was MS related.

My primary care physician sent a referral to a Vein Specialist. Now mind you I am no longer able to wear shoes or even socks. My feet look like I am related to the elephant man. They are red and painful. The skin is extremely tight. Sometimes my legs will swell up to the groin area. Mere clothes are torture for me.

Fourteen years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had went in for my yearly exam and the Dr had felt a lump. He immediately scheduled for a biopsy. It was a whirlwind from there. I was scheduled with specialists and surgeons. This isn’t something I wanted to deal with because I had just lost my dad.

So I had a total lumpectomy performed. They also removed all of my lympnoids removed from my right side. Everything under and behind my breast was removed. I was also scheduled to go through six sessions of radiation just to make sure that there was no cancerous tissues or cells missed. I would have a session of chemotherapy before and after the radiation.

Well because of that surgery you are at risk of getting Lymphedema. All it takes is a traumatic event, injury or whatnot to occur to trigger it. Well mine was the blacking out and falling due to the Aggressive MS. Now I have both to live with.

I told you earlier that my husband was getting instructions on things. He will now be wrapping my legs since I am unable to make sure that wrapping is done correctly. You have to loosely wrap the leg with gauze wrap. Then starting at the toes you use a 4″ ACE bandage and wrap tightly. You overlap slightly, when you get to the end you begin a 6″. You keep going until you reach the upper thigh. You are doing what they call “milking”. Trying to get the fluid to move off the bottom where it has settled.

I then have to be fitted for compression socks and stockings. I also have to have these compression pumps fitted. I have to constantly apply lotion to everywhere. I have to readjust my diet. I am forever on water pills. I have to constantly watch.

So now my ms therapist will have to work closely with my lymphedema therapist. A regular schedule has to be arranged with the visiting nurses. My immune system is really compromised, more than it was with MS. My diet is really strict and I even more Dr. appointments are scheduled.

My husband didn’t ask for this. I am exhausted. I am still trying to get adjusted to MS. I’m tired. I am losing myself in this process. Oh and let’s add the virus into the equation. I only leave the house for Dr appointment. When I do get around people I worry about the flu. We didn’t ask for this..Enough is enough.

Aren’t you just proud to be an American? Maybe a slice of cheese but not as a person per se.

Sooooo…..

The term “American” is changing as well as the definition. It is becoming more and more difficult to find reasons to not despise those who are in charge.

Since when do we permit looting and violence to occur? Oh, that’s right, they were hurting from the death of a black man. The black man who was a drugged out thug. The thug who had been given the officers a hard time.

Oh, don’t get me wrong I don’t condone what the officers did to him. They should be held accountable for their actions. I believe that they should not be permitted back on the force until they are dealt with accordingly.

I feel all police officers be mandatorily equipped with body cams. And dash cams. Those cams are to be running at all times. No excuses and no exceptions. They are also to have tasers and pepper spray. Pepper spray is to be used only if they are being approached by a threat. Tasers are to be used as a deterient of a exiting person.

Whatever happened to the police being able to shoot perps in their knees? Or if they aren’t, then let them shoot them in the ass cheeks!! Either way they are not going to be killed and they will survive. It is not a kill shot. It can be fixed. It will stop them in their tracks. Also, start letting the dogs loose a lot sooner. The dogs are a perfect deterient.

Each and every day I am embarrassed to say that I am an American. I refuse to watch the news, more so than I ever was. I usually have the TV on just for the noise. I used to love watching the cooking shows and the oldies like “Green Acres and Bewitched” but even those channels are being invaded by the news.

Our country is an embarrassment and we have nothing to brag about. We refuse to admit that a millionaire republican is doing a good job at running the country. He is turning the shit upside down and it needs to be. Democrats are pissin and moaning because they hate change.

These are the same people who have been in the seats for over 30 years. That my friend must end. We must vote in “Term Limits”. Everything else has it. They get complacent and tend to forget what and whom is important.

2020 is going to go down as the weirdest and toughest year ever. Our president was ending ties with certain countries that were abusing our kindness and starting business with countries that deserved assistance. We had an all time low in unemployment and the stock market was rallying.

And then we were hit with a life threatening pandemic that was killing people off by the thousands. It still is… Our entire country was shut down. I am still quarantined.

During this time police officers killed a black man who was resisting arrest. That led to a group of people taking over a six block area surrounding a police station. This area is now deemed a separate city. We have officials who are ignorant and who are glorifying the actions of those idiots.

Then you have the blacks that are now screaming for reparations.. ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS!!!?

Oh and let’s not forget that they want to defund and demolish the police force..

Time to arm yourself and build a underground bunker. Because the inbred illiterate idiots are definitely breeding and THAT is a problem!!

Hi my name is Wendy and I am a first time caller, long time listener… (I have always wanted to use that line) 😊

Let me tell you about myself.

I have vented, ranted, went on a rampage, cursed and used humor. I have told you about my current situation and about certain things that have happened to me. But I am seriously considering writing a book so I am going to use you as a sounding board. My book shall be titled, “Yet I rise”.. Allow me to explain.

I did not rise above the ashes, so I am not the Phoenix. However, I did rise above the blood and broken bones, so therefore I am the Bitch!!! No matter what I have been through, I rise.

I have been dragged through hell by my hair and yet I rise. I have been thrown out of a moving car yet I rise. I have flown through a windshield of a car yet I rise. Hell kicked me out for causing too much trouble!!! Yet I rise!!

I didn’t come from a very loving home. We moved around a lot. We never stayed in one place long enough for me to make friends. My dad drank and my mom just didn’t care. I was the oldest of three. My sister and brother were innocent in every way and could do no wrong. I couldn’t stand them even at a young age.

We received no hugs in our home but we received ass whoopins. Even in school, we received them. I should not say we, because I was the sole recipient of this wonderful gift. My mother was relentless with the ass whipping. She used her wooden spoons, hair brushes or whatever she had. My grandmother made her a board that said “Board of Education” and she used that religiously.

If I got in trouble in school, I would get a spanking, then when I got home I received another one. As I got older, if I were to get into a fight with anyone well I better hope that I won because if I didn’t then there would be hell to pay with my dad. You didn’t lose a fight!!! You may get into trouble with your mother for fighting but you don’t lose a fight!! You best beat the fuck out of your opponent.

Or you got an extra ass whoopin with a leather belt from your dad.

Yet you never received a hug. Ever!!! Our family was n a huggy family. We ate dinner together but that is all we did together as a unit. You ate what was on the table or you sat there until you d. My mom would wrap it up and save it for your breakfast and so on. Because you didn’t waste food. You just had it saved for you on the next meal. Don’t even think about adding ketchup to it either!!

I always had the feeling that I was not liked. My mom was really hard on me and not on the other two pissants that lived in the house. They were supposed to do chores in the morning before breakfast and school but they would find so many excuses to get out of them. Leaving me to pick up the slack because you couldn’t leave the milking.

Cows don’t wait and chickens don’t wait. So I can’t make them wait. I have to get all the chores done before I can leave for school. Regardless if my siblings are doing their part or not. Generally those assholes would sleep in because they just did not want to get up.

They would do the same thing when it came to the afternoon chores. Playing was far more important than the chores. My mom would rag my ass and I was just a little kid. The entire time my siblings would taunt the hell out of me, even though they were young.

The anomosity has extended from the childhood to the adulthood. Except now I am not forced to talk to them. Ever!!! They both use people for whatever they can get. They lie, cheat, use, and are just plain evil.
I know that I can sleep at night with a clean conscience. I have a beautiful heart and soul, whereas they are ugly through and through.

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your seat, you can even pick your nose but you can’t pick your family.

This is probably a good thing. You can however choose not to associate with them any longer. Which is the best thing ever!!! For example : the person that my mom gave birth to. I would not piss on her if she was on fire!!! I wouldn’t even throw gasoline on her because I couldn’t risk it putting her out!!

I would just stand there yelling “burn heifer burn!”

Yea, can’t stand her. Never want to hear her name… Ever. Nor her husband’s or her kids. If I were to ever see her again I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. The same goes for my asshole brother. They are both all me me me. It’s all about what is in it for me. I will not do anything unless I get something in return.

Two faced, back stabbing, money hungry, going straight to hell, pieces of shit. I want to deliver them both to hell personally myself.!!

I was brought up to never hate anyone because hate is such a strong word but let me tell ya, I hate them!!! And I have reason to. And now she has the audacity to send friend requests to my daughters!! I have no idea what she is thinking. Both of my daughters have seen her in action and are appalled to say the very least.

I am okay without him or her being in my life. I am nothing like them and I just as soon not be associated with them. I have a heart and a soul whereas they do not. I am not sure who they get this from but if I had to guess, I would have to say from both sides of the family.

My dad only thought of himself until he got sober. He then was a completely different person. He was a loving and thoughtful man. But I digress and I will return to him in a few minutes. I have to remain organized here in order to make sense of it all.

My mom was a an only child and I believe that she had or was bi-polar. Maybe she was even a schizophrenic. You could actually see her facial changes in photos. I used to say that I was her favorite in cycles. She would go back and forth with me and those other two ass bags she gave birth to.

I dedicated my life to my dad when he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. We knew that he only had two years to live and I was going to make sure that he lived it to the fullest. We made a “Bucket List” and started checking things off one thing at a time. I eventually moved in with him while I was still working full time as a Quality Engineer.

He wanted for nothing. He wanted to make out his will and the list of things he wanted everyone to have of his. He kept asking me what I wanted and I kept telling him, nothing. I am not greedy. I just wanted him to be here. Well he ended up leaving me his trailer (mobile home). No one else was helping me with dad.

Yet he left them with a huge item worth a great deal of money. My brother got his pride and joy, his tricked out GMC truck and boat. . My sister got his huge wooden carved out eagle and snowmobile. I made sure everything else was handed out to the grandkids and sisters etc.

I then paid all of his outstanding bills. I was the one who paid for the funeral and his cremation. My brother and sister refused to. I had to pay for the ashes before they released them to me. My sister took the envelopes that held money in them. They were meant for me.

Once that was done and over with, I was served with court papers stating that I was being sued and I was losing the trailer. My sister was accusing me if drugging my dad and getting him to sign the trailer over to me. She also stated that the will was forged.

I won’t go any further into the details but three years later and thousands of dollars in the hole, I lost everything. I had nothing. Everything that dad left me was gone. I was homeless, jobless, and penniless. I had no one. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was going to do.

All I did know was that I was filled with so much hatred. More than I ever thought I could be. Still today I despise that pig. I am still waiting for Karma!!

What the fuck Karma??? It’s been 14 years, what are you waiting for?? Come on!!!!!

Hello, Is anyone out there? Can anyone hear me?

I am now sharing my blog with everyone on Facebook and you no longer have to register your email to read it. So could you come on by and like what I have read?

I want followers just to see what you think of my blog.

Click on the ads so I can see what you think of them. I am still creating this blog. I would like ideas as well. I get paid by the click on the ads!!

I want to clarify a few things regarding my last post. It may have come across as a little harsh against my husband and I may have made it sound a little bit like I was mistreated.

I am not mistreated in the least. You must understand that MS is an extremely stressful disease on anyone and everyone who is going through it. It shows no mercy on anyone. It will take the strongest person and shred them to pieces. It will test your faith and it will make you question your choice in every decision you have ever made.

I try to do everything on my own in order to keep things from my husband. I don’t want to stress him out any more than necessary. He is a wonderful man and he treats me like a queen. He protects me from all that is evil. He overdoes it sometimes if you ask me.

He has placed me in a plastic bubble and or he wishes to. He can’t protect me from everything. He can’t afford to worry about me when he is at work however. It is a new job and he is doing great at it. He can’t afford to mess up. Once he gets his own route, then we can begin setting up appointments with my doctors.

I made it sound like I was missing all of them but I was just feeling sorry for myself and I wasn’t giving you the full explanation. Yet you should know better than that because Rick and I are soul mates.

We have the kind of relationship that if you ask a question be prepared for the utmost of honest of response. He’s one that if you ask him if these pants make my butt look fat, he will tell you the truth.. But I am the same way. I have told him that he looks like a brightly-colored sausage link..

So, yes I do need to lose a few pounds and yes it would be healthy not to mention helpful. When I fall, I will be easier to pick up. If he was to get hurt picking me up then he couldn’t do his job. And we need his income. He has a point.

However, he has to understand that the medication that I am on makes me gain weight and I don’t have enough mobility to lose weight. I want to be able move around but it is not that easy. I just want some understanding of what I am going through.

Just because you read it on the internet doesn’t mean you are an expert because everyone is different. Every ms patient is different. We are like snowflakes, no two people are the same. I have Aggressive Ms and I am unlike most patients.

I am not tired of this, I am exhausted. I haven’t had a UTI like most of them have had. I have not lost my vision like most of them have. I have made modifications to our house. I have a hospital bed coming in so I can get in and out of bed. I also have a power recliner due in. This is so I am not on the floor anymore.

I also have a Gait Belt and a Lady Pouch (urine pouch). This is so I can stop wearing diapers for a while. I can then give my skin a break. I will be able to apply ZINC cream to eradicate the urine from my skin. Kinda like a deep skin cleanse.

I am attempting to make his life a little easier and less stressful but mostly I am trying to make my life more adaptable and less stressful for me. My goal is to get my $2500.00 Alinker bike out and using it!!! I need to get moving.. I have to.

Then maybe I can drive again. Or at least pop the protective bubble that is surrounding me.